And when I put my hand between her legs I found a mouth with teeth and I was afraid that it would bite me.
I had tooth enamel hypoplasia as a child and some of my earliest memories are of my teeth fizzing and dissolving into the saliva of my mouth. I was in and out of hospital for various treatments and extractions and regularly at the dentist’s. In amongst all the nightmare of pain and intensely invasive dental instruments I had a very kind and friendly dentist. It is with a halcyon glaze that I view the man as a comforting angel amongst my increasing anxiety and fear, the gentle soothing hand that delivered the greatest horror.
After him I went onto a much hated orthodontist that carried little of the soft touch but the memory of a safe place in restraint always stayed with me. Once when getting anesthetic gas for tooth extraction I remember vividly fighting against it while my father pressed down on the mask. Everything quickly became nothing and I am searching for that moment again, to freefall into the void once more with complete relinquish and abandon, unconditional surrender.